.bowelbabe 'This year was all about surviving cancer - 2020 is for positivity and getting on with living my life'.
This time last year I was in hospital and honestly thought I might be dying.Credit: Deborah JamesThe side effects were so bad I had to stop treatment - not a great place to be when you have stage 4
Living on borrowed time is a cycle of feeling guilty for not enjoying every second, feeling that pressure and then feeling annoyed and let down when my body just needs to crash and sleep.I spent Christmas Eve in hospital again having more treatment, its part of life and it makes life unpredictable but it is better than the alternativeLiving in limbo isn't doing me any good, so my challenge now is how to get busy living - even if my future is uncertain.
But, I do want to start thinking harder about what I want to do more of and start saying no to the things I don't.Forever grateful to all the NHS heroes who are keeping my alive, and allowing me to dream of my futureOne of my greatest pleasures in life is feeling like I am giving something back.
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