Kelsey Borresen is a senior reporter at HuffPost Life, covering love, sex and relationships. She is a graduate of the University of Southern California's Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism and lives in Los Angeles.
with your parents as an adult isn’t always easy. But it may be necessary for your own well-being and the health of the relationship.therapy practice, put it, boundaries “describe your behavior, what you will do or how you will be when someone crosses them.”
“It’s important to put any of these conversations into the context of your life and the full circumstances at play,” therapist“In either situation, it’s important to acknowledge what works best for you,” Caraballo said. “Consider how you can communicate your concerns in a way that is understandable to someone else, even if they don’t like what you have to say.”We asked therapists what boundaries adult children might want to set with their parents.
If you wanted their guidance, you’d say so. When you get advice you didn’t ask for, it can be annoying or even hurtful.“The adult child can feel like they’re being criticized, treated like a kid, or viewed as incompetent,” Howes said. “Interestingly enough, this often comes from the parent’s fear that they did an inadequate job of equipping their child for adulthood.”“Thank you for raising me to be a confident and responsible decision-maker, that was a wonderful gift.
But if you were trying to hold this boundary instead, you might say, “I completely hear you and understand that this decision might feel hurtful towards you,” Stoddard suggested. “The truth is that our holiday visits have been really hard on me, and it would be better for me if I didn’t visit this year. I actually do care about you both and believe this will be better for our relationship right now.
Everyone’s family dynamic is different and there are other boundaries you may consider setting. Here is some general guidance you can apply to whatever situation you find yourself in.Hart tells her clients to consider their parents’ limitations and their history together when broaching these conversations. Some parents may be capable of a more in-depth conversation, while others may not be. In the latter case, a simple, straight-to-the-point statement might be the best course of action.
Holidays Stress Setting Boundaries
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