After I found a hobby I loved, I began to feel guilty. Shouldn't I be monetizing my hobby? Shouldn't I bee turning it into a side hustle or a business?
There was one weekend after my divorce where I found myself utterly alone and without anything to do. I aimlessly scrolled through all the streaming platforms, but nothing piqued my interest. I called my friends, but no one picked up . I browsed my collection of unread books, but there weren’t any titles that excited me. There was a palpable sense of ennui unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
In the months that followed, it was the topic of conversation I had with my friends, my coworkers, my dentist, even my gyno. What did they do for fun? And, more importantly, could I co-opt it? As it turns out, anytime I lamented about my lack of interests outside of work and my social life, the sentiment was echoed back at me.
But as months of crocheting went by, another feeling began to pull at the strings of my joy: guilt. I was investing so much of my time and energy into crocheting — and it was all…for fun.
I recognize that the guilt I feel throws into sharp relief just how much we internalize the effects of living in a capitalist society — if you’re not hustling, if you’re not making the most of every minute, if you’re not participating in the rat race, then you’re not doing enough. To be entirely honest, I’m not sure what the solve is, but I do know that adulthood — and life — is excruciatingly hard, so if there’s something that brings me joy, perhaps I should just leave it at that.
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