Advice from Amy Dickinson.
I am a man in my mid-60′s, married for the past 35 years to my second wife.We have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years. She is an alcoholic and is often very nasty toward me. Life is miserable.
I was devastated. I tried for the next year to woo her back. I found out later she had been having an affair with a co-worker whom she eventually married. I know she felt that she made a big mistake by ending our marriage, but I don’t know what to do about my feelings now.I made vows that I plan to keep no matter how miserable I am, so I cannot leave my wife. I cannot go to counseling because I think it would break my wife’s heart to know my feelings, and I have never spoken about this with anyone.
I hope you realize that if you seek individual counseling, what happens in the room is completely private. You don’t need to tell your wife anything that is shared with your therapist.My own theory is that your longing reveals your desire to escape; your former wife is a placeholder for everything you believe you have sacrificed.
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