I don’t want to nag her, but I don’t want to enable her, either.
We are a retired couple in our late 60s. In our younger days we enjoyed an active social life that often revolved around drinking, sometimes to excess.Asking Eric: I was stunned to see my outlaw relatives stealing from the restaurant
We’ve discussed it a few times and she makes an improvement for a short term but soon backslides into her habit of having four, five, sometimes six glasses of wine a night. At the same time, I’ve eliminated alcohol entirely. Yesterday, knowing that I will do this week’s shopping soon, she put wine on the list. I am torn between telling her I won’t enable her drinking , and just keeping quiet about it.: When one partner changes, the whole system changes. But that change is often a lot slower and more complicated than we’d like it to be.
There are hundreds of similar decisions that happen in a marriage, many around health and wellness. Conflict can arise from the fact that no one can make their spouse do what they think their spouse should do. If you feel her alcohol consumption is having a negative impact on your relationship, say that. I’m sure you’ve already presented her with the data – the U.S. Dietary Guidelines advise that women limit themselves to one 5-ounce glass of wine per night, and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism categorizes four or more drinks per day, or eight per week, as “heavy drinking” by a woman.
Fifteen is old enough to learn the value of healthy communication and gratitude. Besides, it’s important to remember that relationships, especially with older relatives, aren’t ATMs. Hold the line!in retirement, I always say: “I wake up in the morning with nothing to do, and it takes me all day to do it.”Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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