Escape, avoidance, and minimization seem to be simple and straightforward strategies to handle pain, so many people choose them. Yet, they make things worse in every way.
Feeling-avoidance is self-perpetuating because it appears to help in the moment, but it does not.day at work, she is looking forward to the big, warm hug her husband Thomas always gives her in greeting. But as she enters the living room, Thomas does something unexpected. He yells in an angry voice, “Where the heck were you? I expected you 15 minutes ago!”
I mean the kind of running that involves something inside of you driving you—some untamed force that threatens to overwhelm and perhaps bury you drives you out and away to escape it. You are not running toward anything; you are running to get away from something. You are running because, in the final analysis, it is all you know.
You likely treat your feelings this way for one simple reason: It’s the way your parents handled their own feelings, and it’s also the way they treated your feelings as they raised you. It’s all your parents knew, and it is an actual form of neglect.When you grow up with your feelings ignored or minimized in your childhood home, it is natural that this is the onlyBut, sadly, it does not work at all. Minimized or avoided feelings do not actually go away.
Last but not least, begin to heal your childhood emotional neglect. It is the single greatest thing you can do to harness and use the amazing power from within you: your emotions.
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