In a 'Rolling Stone' cover story, Billie EIlish, 22, revealed she suffered a major bout of depression last summer, admitting that she’s “never been a happy person”
“I literally was like, ‘I don’t care. I don’t even want it to get better,’” the singer recalled of her mental health strugglespublished on Wednesday, April 24, the 22-year-old pop star opened up about the extent of her debilitating depression, writing in her journal, “I know I’m lucky/But I’m so unhappy.”
“I’ve suffered with a lot of depression my whole life,” she continued. “When things happen in my soul, or whatever, the thing I’ve always held on to is, ‘Well, it’ll pass. It’ll come in waves and it’ll get worse and it’ll get better.’ And that’s always brought me comfort. And this time, I literally was like, ‘I don’t care. I don’t even want it to get better.’”“I hit a turning point,” she explained. “I had this moment of like, ‘Oh, my God, I haven’t had fun in seven years.’ Truly.
“I’m afraid,” she admitted. “For a f—ing good reason. I’m afraid of people, I’m afraid of the world. It’s just scary for somebody like me, and even if it’s not scary, it means being on and being vulnerable and being seen and being filmed and whatever. But with that all in mind, I have been choosing to do the thing that scares me more. I am biting the bullet and existing in the world for once.
“I think it’s really weird when you are in the middle of something and somebody asks you to be the advocate for the thing you’re in the middle of,” she said. “I understand that it’s important, and I understand that it’s an epidemic and it needs to be talked about, but I don’t want to fucking be the role model for depression. What happens when I do some s— y’all aren’t going to like?”
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