This is a personal essay about the author's decision to break contact with her mother due to years of emotional abuse.
Eight years ago, I wrote my mother a letter saying I needed to break contact. At the time, I hadn’t intended it to last — I just knew I needed space. I needed a respite from her stealthy attacks that I still, after 50 years, never saw coming. My mother had taught me that my body was disgusting, and my achievements were not only lacking, but suspect. When I was sexually assaulted, she accused me of lying.
She had me fill out the Myers-Briggs personality test, as she did with all of her clients, then used the results to shame me. “I don’t know why you are so shy, I’m a people person,” she told me.All my wounds were invisible: shame, doubt, second-guessing and mistrust — of myself as much as of anyone else. I cut contact with my mother because I needed a buffer between the voice in my head — hers, always questioning my choices, my motives — and the one that I should be listening to: my own. After I broke contact, I realised how much time and energy I had spent unsuccessfully dodging and then recovering from her attacks. Distance gave me a new perspective: If any other mother treated any other daughter as mine had treated me, I would be horrified. I would tell that daughter to run. So I paid attention, finally, to my own good sense. And then I had to figure out how to navigate my way through this new land of estrangement.Discussing family estrangement will be awkward, and many will question your decision. “But she’s so wonderful,” a friend said when I told her I was considering going no-contact. My mother was a social worker who volunteered for a myriad of good causes. Nothing about her public persona said “monster,” but when no one else was looking, she wielded an emotional axe. Too often, I heard, “But she’s your. You only have one.” Or, “She gave birth to you — surely that counts for something.” People’s reactions to me took on a new warines
FAMILY ESTRANGEMENT EMOTIONAL ABUSE MOTHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP SELF DISCOVERY BOUNDARIES
United Kingdom Latest News, United Kingdom Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Terence Crawford’s return delayed but new contact planned for Canelo Alvarez fight...Mike Tyson recently joined the 'Is What It Is Podcast' and let his feelings known on the potential super fight of Terence Crawford Vs Canelo Alvarez.
Read more »
Blair Campbell Dies After Coming Into Contact With Substation Wire While WorkingBlair Campbell tragically died after touching a substation wire while working on an ivy-covered bush. The ivy had covered warning signs and numerous reports about its removal had been ignored. His devastated wife, Tina, seeks answers and closure.
Read more »
Man United eye Davies 'talks' as 'contact' made over £45m transferThe latest Manchester United transfer news and rumours as the January window is just a matter of weeks away.
Read more »
Contact the police if you see any of these 10 wanted menThe appeals includes men who have breached their licence conditions
Read more »
Armagh GAA: PSNI to wait for US to contact over alleged incidentPolice have been alerted to an alleged incident while Armagh GAA were on a recent trip to the United States.
Read more »
Bulgarian who spied for Russia in UK discussed sale of drones to Chinese contact, court toldOld Bailey sees messages from Orlin Roussev to Jan Marsalek about selling US-made Switchblade devices
Read more »