It was the amazingly bizarre legal battle that got us all excited. Sadly, this tedious trudge through dry Rooney biography does not do the same
he glory of the Wagatha Christie affair, played out on social media and then in the high court, was twofold. First, it was the highest possible drama for the lowest possible stakes. Second, it had an epic sweep contained within a timeline short enough for even our fractured modern attention spans to manage.
Here is what happened. Rooney noticed that a number of things she had posted on her private Instagram account were being leaked to the Sun. She worked out that it was probably Rebekah Vardy, whom she knew least well out of her private followers , whom she felt liked attention and whom she knew to have a close relationship with the Sun. As such, she reconfigured her account so that only Vardy could see a series of fake stories she put up. Lo and behold, they were leaked.
In Mallorca, Rooney is about to find out that Wayne has been caught drink-driving – with a woman who is not her in the car. The subsequent fallout is described in minute detail, although the only detail worth including is wordless – the expression on Rooney’s mum’s face, which seems to say of her son-in-law: “I love him, but sometimes I don’t like him. I want to shake him.”
Then we are back to dwelling on flatly delivered minutiae. There is a tour of Croxteth in Liverpool, where the couple grew up, plus a potted history of their early years together, and Wayne’s star-making debut as a professional footballer . Their engagement follows, Wayne signs for Manchester United and they become ever greater tabloid fodder.
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