I believe confrontation is necessary for maintaining any romantic or platonic relationship.
, drink in hand, we’d been talking for hours. It was a regular Friday night after work, and we were having an overdue catchup. Some light conversation, some heavier subjects. Out of nowhere, he made a joke at my expense that was, to me, highly insensitive. “I’m not okay with what you said just there,” were the words that instantly came out of my mouth, which caught him off guard, too. In that moment, both of us had to figure out what would come next.
Trust and respect go hand in hand with successful confrontation. With that friend, we have both of these things in ample amounts, which helps us navigate conflict. The person being confronted is protected against feeling targeted, and the confronter is protected against facing social repercussions for speaking out. For me, confronting a friend isn’t always instantaneous. Sometimes I need to go away and thoroughly think about what I want to say to the friend, and the outcome I’m hoping for.
On the flip side, a close friend says she loves that I “say it like it is”, and has often told me stories in which someone said or did something, then followed it with “I wish you’d been there to call it out.” I like to think that those I’m closest to see this quality in me as a positive, and that they can trust our relationship is open and honest enough to hold space for those tricky moments. Of course, it goes both ways — friends can call me out too .
One of my best friends I confronted over drinks last year never did cross that line with me again, for which I’m grateful. These moments of conflict can act like building blocks I think, helping you to understand each other better. My relationships are all the better for those occasional confrontational moments, so I think it’s time we stopped feeling so scared of them.
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