If everyone did their share, no one would be overwhelmed with Dad’s care. How do I get my brothers to step up?
DEAR ABBY: I am one of the younger children of eight. One sister is deceased, which leaves seven of us to care for our father, who has had dementia since our mother passed. The four oldest are retired. The youngest three still work.
I believe we all should take responsibility for our father. Two of the older siblings are my sisters. I live on the other side of the country. I still work full time, but I take a leave for two months every year to care for Dad. The other 10 months of the year, my sisters take care of him. I think this should be a “child thing” instead of a “girl thing.” The two who are retired refuse to do anything. One is still working, but he’s a teacher and off all summer. My younger brother helps when he can, but he and his wife still work full time. They can’t afford to take time off like I do.
My older sisters aren’t in great health, and I’m afraid one or both will die because they have taken on too much responsibility. What advice can you offer? -- DIVIDING IT UP IN WASHINGTON DEAR DIVIDING IT: There are other ways to help with caregiving than in person -- one is with money. The family members who ARE stepping up should insist that the brothers who can’t be bothered to do their part contribute to hiring someone to care for Dad if they are unable or unwilling to step up. If they refuse, and you have to go that route, an attorney might be able to convince them to do the right thing.
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