Advice from Annie Lane.
My sister “Emily” and I were planning a joint celebration for our parents’ 40th wedding anniversary, but we’ve hit a snag. Emily wants to host a large party with all of our extended family and friends, but I think that a more intimate gathering would be more special and less stressful for our parents. They are both pretty reserved, and I just know they would prefer something smaller.
Every time I try to discuss this with Emily, it ends in an argument and she accuses me of not wanting to do something “all-out” for our parents. Every time I try to explain my reasoning to her, it doesn’t seem like she hears me. How can I communicate to Emily that a small celebration isn’t about cutting corners but honoring our parents’ preferences?Sit down with Emily and tell her that you understand her desire to celebrate this milestone in a big way.
The obvious question is, should I tell her? The last thing I want to do is embarrass her or otherwise make her feel bad. I would want someone to tell me. I have even given my husband firm instructions to inform me if I am ever in such a situation. Any advice?Conversations that concern appearance require a delicate touch. Since this issue is clearly bothering you, and you value honesty in your own life, it seems reasonable to extend the same courtesy to your friend.
When you choose to bring it up, do so gently and in private. A lighthearted approach can ease the potential awkwardness. You might say something like, “I want to mention this because I care about you and I know you’d do the same for me. I’ve noticed a stray hair on your chin -- just wanted to let you know because these things can be hard to spot ourselves!” This way, you’re framing it as a small, easily solvable issue rather than a significant flaw.
Remember, her reaction might vary depending on her feelings about her appearance, but your kind and thoughtful approach will show that your intent is purely out of care.Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs. When not writing, she devotes her time to play dates and Play-Doh. Write her: dearannie@creators.
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