Plus: How to deal with a new partner who's attractive ... but messy.
Dear Life KitDear Life Kit, I can't stop thinking about my middle school crush. I'm now in my 20s and I haven't seen this person since my family immigrated to the U.S. 10 years ago. I'm single, happy with my career and I’ve picked up new hobbies and friends. But just as soon as I think I moved on, I dream about him and all the feelings come back. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone, even my therapist. Help! —I have crushes from 10 years ago that still exist in my brain.
Dear Life Kit, I have a crush on a friend. I know it's reciprocated. We're often flirty. We communicate almost every day, and we've even hooked up a few times. The problem? He's already in a relationship. Part of me wants to advocate for something more. The other part wants to get over him.
Sister, you're cheating. You are being dishonest and you're conducting yourself in the kind of relationship dynamic that can severely damage everybody involved. I would put a hard stop to this.I don't think “once a cheater, always a cheater.” But you have, for some reason, allowed yourself to create backchannels where this behavior is acceptable. You have to seal those doors shut. If you devote yourself to that labor, you can have a healthy dynamic going forward.
I’ve tried to be polite and nonjudgmental, but now I'm feeling conflicted. Is this a sign of incompatibility? Do I ignore it? How do I bring this up in a kind way? —This is something that's important to you. Essentially, you’re saying: “You’ve got to start working on this. And if you want to learn, then we're compatible.”
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