Being Mum: I don’t talk to my mother about her children much. But we talk about her parents often
Do you have children, she asks – in the tone you might adopt with a new acquaintance, politely, distantly inquiring.Mum lost sight of the maths of any of this long ago. Nothing adds up any more. Her age, mine, my children’s.“One died, when she was very little,” then, matter of factly, without a trace of emotion: “No idea why: she seemed perfectly healthy.”
So we don’t talk about her children much. But we talk about her parents often. If mum tells a story, it will be about her parents’ death.Have I ever told you about when my parents died?I’ve heard the story on countless occasions, but the narrative changes every time. Sometimes, they died after a trip, after a cruise on a boat, following a hike into the mountains, after going camping Sometimes they died within a couple of days of each other, sometimes my grandmother a week after my grandfather.
Then, and only because her default is one of graciousness and not because she’s interested: “Are either of your parents alive?”
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