Kelly Medina Enos, a mother of two, shares her experience with gentle parenting, emphasizing the importance of empathy and reflection over forced apologies. She explains how she transitioned from traditional parenting methods to a more understanding approach, focusing on communication and emotional regulation.
A 'gentle parent' has shared that she doesn't force her five-year-old son to apologize as it feels 'disingenuous' and believes this approach helps him to 'hold empathy' and better express his emotions. Kelly Medina Enos, 34, embraced gentle parenting when she faced challenges with her then 18-month-old son George's behavior, which included hitting.
Turning to TikTok for advice, a suggestion from a viewer led her to explore the gentle parenting method, which emphasizes empathy, respect, and understanding. Initially skeptical and finding the concept 'ridiculous' Kelly's perspective shifted after delving into research and she began implementing the techniques, such as avoiding the word 'don't' and instead telling George what she would like him to do. She refrained from forcing apologies, opting to help George reflect on situations instead. Kelly avoids punitive isolation like the 'naughty step' or 'time out', offering a 'calm down corner' if George chooses to have time alone. Now also a mother to 14-month-old Ariella, Kelly is applying gentle parenting with her daughter too, even teaching her baby sign language to aid communication for needs like more food or drink. As a certified gentle parenting coach based in York, North Yorkshire, Kelly said: 'I don't force my child to say sorry. A child doesn't develop empathy until they are around 11 years old, Expecting a child to have empathy is a learnt skill.' Kelly added: 'If we say 'go and say sorry' - if say they snatched a toy - it's forced. You find you haven't allowed child to step back. Instead say - 'what's happened here? 'How do you think that person is feeling? ' 'What can we say? Otherwise it's disingenuous. 'It's not that we don't want them to say sorry but there is a difference between telling them what to do. We still guide them through. We teach our children how to be better next time.' Kelly found herself at a loss when her son George, then 18 months old, began to act out. She confessed she had 'no parenting style'. She said: 'He started to smack me and hit me. I thought 'what do I do? ''. A chance encounter on TikTok led Kelly to the concept of gentle parenting. She said: 'The videos I saw at first I thought surely it's just talking gently. I thought it was a bit ridiculous.' But feeling 'so lost' and willing to 'try anything', Kelly delved deeper into this parenting approach. She began by altering her choice of words. She said: 'Climbing was a huge thing for me. George was climbing on everything. I was saying 'get down' but that didn't seem to land at all.' 'I started saying 'feet on the floor please'. I was astonished at the difference by changing the way I was speaking to him instead of telling him what I don't want. I started to remove the word 'don't'. I still had discipline. I told him what I would like him to do.' Now, she frequently uses phrases such as 'hands off' in place of 'don't touch' or 'no'. Kelly has embraced a new approach to parenting her son George, learning to forgo the common demand for apologies, and it's having a positive impact on his empathy. She shared her experience and said: 'He does hold empathy and he's incredible at communicating his feelings. He can come home in huge frustration and I hold him and he crumbles. He'll say he's had a bad day and offloads. 'If I hadn't allowed him to feel and put him in his room, the naughty step or time out would he have opened up to me?' Rejecting traditional 'forced isolation' methods such as time outs, Kelly believes these can backfire. She said: 'With forced isolation the child often becomes more of a people pleaser or rebels. They learn they have no voice and their feelings don't matter. 'In time out a child is told to 'sit and think about what you've done'. The child is not thinking how they could have dealt with that better.' She added: 'They learn 'I need to take away my feelings of frustration and anger and then I'm deemed lovable'.' Instead, Kelly promotes a gentler alternative with her 'calm down corner'. She said: 'We will stay away from forced isolation but we do a calm down corner which I offer to George.' 'I'll ask him 'would you like some time in the calm down corner? '' Describing the space, she says: 'It's got books and a breathe board - it's a non-sensory nook. It's an option.' Kelly's journey with George spurred her to become a qualified parenting coach in September 2024. Her training required intense self-reflection, particularly examining why George's behavior sometimes sparked frustration. She said: 'I really struggled because of the way I was raised - there was a lot of shouting. It was distilled in me. I shouted quite often. I worked out I was expecting quite a lot of George. I said out loud 'why does he act like such a child?' He used to pull out all the baby wipes. I remember the frustration. With Ariella I just think 'put them back'.' Kelly has embraced gentle parenting with her daughter Ariella, starting with baby sign language to foster communication
GENTLE PARENTING EMOTIONAL REGULATION COMMUNICATION APOLOGIES CHILD DEVELOPMENT
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