For the sake of sound mental health, it might be time for some of us to follow Meghan and Harry’s example.
Relationship therapist Pam Custers, a relationship therapist tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Boundaries are the very thing that keeps our relationships healthy and maintains our sense of self.‘Boundaries with our families help us to take care of ourselves in order to not be swept up into the dynamics that others create. To be in charge of our lives and “march to our own tune” and set limits.’Pam says: ‘Firstly we have to become aware of ourselves.
‘Secondly, saying it is ok to be bothered by something. It’s ok to want to change a situation. When we start talking or “naming” what it is that is bothering us rather than just an uneasiness then we are able to start deciding how to change things. We can do this by talking to a friend. therapist or even a journal.
‘Then start taking small steps to setting boundaries with family. These can be physical or psychological boundaries. This can be a challenge if we haven’t been taught healthy boundaries. But being clear about what we do or don’t want to accept from our families help us to make these boundaries. The secret is to do it without malice.
‘We can shift our boundaries without pushing people away or making them feel abandoned. The paradox is that when there are healthy boundaries then the relationship is put on a much happier footing for both concerned. The feelings of resentment or frustration are no longer there so this sets the relationship up for success. The way this is done is crucial and it is vital that it is done with everyone’s best interests at heart, and supports boundaries, not destroys them.
But, as in the case of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, families tend to come with a set of expectations.Due to proximity and blood-bound bond, we can be expected to offer unconditional love and support. This might make it feel like you can’t have boundaries with your family members – you’re one and the same, after all.says it’s imperative to outline your limits.
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