Envy gets a bad rap. In Korea, status comparisons are openly discussed. You see threads of both admiration and disdain for the elite in every K-drama or film.
Stuck in a male-dominated Korean culture, I grew up with envy. My earliest memory was waking up in my family’s Chicago apartment to find the living room jampacked with blue baby shower presents. Not only was I not invited to the party, but my unborn brother gained more possessions in one evening than I owned in the first six years of my life before he arrived.
Envy gets a bad rap. When I bring it up in casual conversations outside of work, most friends deny experiencing the emotion, even if they just badmouthed a mutual acquaintance with some undeserved good fortune. In Korea, status comparisons are openly discussed. You see threads of both admiration and disdain for the elite in every K-drama or film — from the 2019-2020 television series “
This helps explain why so many of my high-achieving clients ruminated about close colleagues who worked faster or received more interesting assignments. But they rarely mentioned heads of their organizations or competitors outside their organization.I was a classic case. Growing up, my father groomed my baby brother to become a doctor while expecting little of me.
“Rather than deny your envy, you have to acknowledge and accept how you feel,” adding that both the Buddhist tradition of mindful contemplation and the Christian tradition of spiritual detachment can be helpful. Knowing this technique could have saved me years of struggle. Envy motivated me to get technical skills, an advanced degree and a good job, providing me with public success. But to make my life fulfilling, I needed to look beyond outward status markers and dig inward. I need to figure out what I truly wanted. Envy, oddly, helped me again, but it did even more.
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