“'I’m ugly and no one will ever love me,' I wrote in one very angst-ridden diary entry,' writes PoornaBell.
I felt in my bones this was connected to my brownness, and had decided that there was no point trying with boys because they would never like me and I would die alone. It’s easy to write this off as teenage dramatics and perhaps some of it is. But my identity did feel torturous at that time in my life, and although I now love how I look around 90 per cent of the time, it felt back then like there was no support and no safe harbour to being a brown girl in Britain.
“How do you know that being brown is why boys didn’t like you?” a friend asked. I knew what she meant, even if the delivery was slightly clunky. Brown girls don’t have the monopoly on angst, after all. But even though I lacked today’s vocabulary to articulate it – phrases such as micro-aggressions, confirmation bias and structural racism – it was evident in everything. In the day to day minutiae, it was things such as skin coloured tights and nude clothing always defaulting to white skin tones.
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