Actress Cherry Healey reflects on her experience with perimenopause and how it ultimately led to healthier relationships and personal growth. From anxiety and sleeplessness to a tumultuous on-off romance, Cherry candidly shares her journey navigating the physical and emotional challenges of this life stage. Ultimately, she finds empowerment in prioritizing her well-being and seeking peace and consistency in her relationships.
The menopause was a heavy tide - if I was swimming against it I had to have all the support I could get. I realised I was going through the perimenopause, strangely enough, when I was making a show for Channel 5 called. We were breaking taboos about things like vaginal dryness and incontinence – stuff women aren’t supposed to talk about. I’d always been a good sleeper until then, but I was waking up at four in the morning, having panic attacks and heart palpitations.
I didn’t tell anyone because I was embarrassed – I just got back to sleep and tried to get on with things. I was only 40, after all. But the anxiety and sleeplessness got worse. Those night terrors start to affect every part of your life: you stop trusting yourself, and start wondering if you can do your job. Eventually I was interviewing a gynaecologist for the show and asked him if he had five minutes at the end. I explained my symptoms and he told me I was perimenopausal, and that I didn’t need to worry – these were just. But he did tell me I needed to start looking after myself properly – being protective of my sleep, eating healthily and taking care of my gut. Somehow amidst all this, I was dating. I eventually became infatuated and “fell in love”, but it was an on-off thing – like a teenage relationship where I didn’t know where I stood with them. I was getting mixed messages: yes and no, and hot and cold. I was consumed, like a drug addict, and it got to the point where I didn’t know where the old Cherry had gone; the one who was really good at boundaries, and had a sense of self-worth. At this point, I was praying for something wild and extreme to shake me out of my current stupor – my friend joked I needed to join the army. And then, I got a call out of the blue asking me to go on Among other things, I had to dive backwards off a ship into a lake fully-clothed in the middle of the night, so when I came back I felt at my most badass. It was the biggest confidence boost in the world. I now knew I could do anything even while perimenopausal – but that there was one last thing causing me suffering: this relationship that wasn’t working. I knew I could jump off the metaphorical cliff – I’d managed to carry a sledge containing fuel tanks and tyres up a snowy mountain for three hours solid during SAS. I don’t want to misrepresent the menopause. I know women blame it for breakups they regret, because it wreaks hormone-induced havoc such that they leave their husbands. But for me, the realisation that I was up against something massive with my health showed me I was ill-equipped in day-to-day life, and not getting enough support. The menopause was the heavy tide, and I realised that if I was swimming against it, I had to have my big armbands on. One of the most common symptoms of perimenopause is increased anxiety – it can be for half an hour in a day, or last a whole day. Your hormones don’t decline at a constant rate, and it can hit at the most bizarre time. Not knowing if someone is into you or not, if they’re going to call when they say you will – just adds to that uncertainty. And in my case it became unmanageable. I messaged the man in question and asked to have a phone call. When he answered, I said: “I’m so sorry, but I need to walk away from this because it’s too damaging for me.” We both cried and then I put down the phone and sat on my bed saying “fuck”, because I knew I’d just jumped off that cliff. And sure enough, afterwards was the closest I’ve ever felt to depression. A breakup isn’t much better than a tricky relationship when you’re menopausal. You cannot, as I did during breakups in my twenties, simply sit on the sofa eating Doritos and drink Chardonnay – because you need fibre and protein. I spent several months healing. I tried to date, and realised I was like an open wound. So on the advice of my therapist, I focused on sleep, family, gym and friends. And then I met my current boyfriend, who has been the love of my life, this last year. He calms my nervous system because he calls when he says he will, books dinner when he says he will, and generally gives me consistency. It’s everything my perimenopausal body needs, but also that I could want in a partner for life. In a way, perimenopause has been the catalyst for so many good things in my life – I eat better, I exercise better, I sleep (for the most part) better because I’ve had to re-educate myself. But most importantly, it’s made me seek peace in relationships. So really, I’m kind of glad the menopause made me break up with my ex. I’ll be forever grateful to it for that alone. I signed up to do a marathon, so every weekend I’m out running by the river in Chiswick – which is cold, rainy and miserable. A more fun type of exercise I’ve done, though, was going for our final ice skate of the winter. Usually we go four or five times over Christmas. My son thinks it’s the best thing ever, but I can get a bit bored by it and just think it’s bloody expensive
PERIMENOPAUSE MENTAL HEALTH RELATIONSHIPS SELF-DISCOVERY WELL-BEING
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