'I've battled bulimia and anorexia for 30 years but I'm determined to get better'
18 Aug 2019,WAKING to find my panicked boyfriend and two best friends at my bedside, I knew I’d hit rock bottom.
Sometimes I’d fall off the wagon and gorge on a packet of biscuits, but otherwise I was strict. At 9st and 5ft 7in, I was convinced I was fat, despite being a healthy weight for my height. One friend begged me to see a counsellor, so I did to appease her. But I hated it and vowed never to go back, as the truth was I didn’t want to get better. If I ate I would get fat, and I didn’t want to live like that.
I took a year out, then started at Middlesex University studying English. I barely ate, only allowing myself juice, tea and chewing gum. If I did eat in moments of weakness, I’d drink Epsom salt to make me feel sick then follow up with laxatives. Somehow, I still had the energy to walk for miles, which I did to make sure I stayed thin.
Slowly I began eating in public, but I still couldn’t finish a plate of food. In private, however, my eating patterns were erratic. Some days I would binge and others barely eat, and I’ve stayed that way ever since. When I got pregnant with our twin girls Frida and Rae at the age of 37, I felt the happiest I ever have with my body and ate what I wanted for nine months. I felt so grateful to be pregnant after, which was probably down to my extreme eating habits, although this was never confirmed. For the first time in my life I didn’t worry about food. However, that soon changed with the stress of two newborns and sleepless nights, and I began bingeing again.
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