We need a new way to talk about important people in our lives.
. There are natural barriers that make maintaining connections challenging, from attending new schools to changing jobs to moving to new neighborhoods. Our digital worlds have removed time and distance as obstacles. But, while most of us follow dozens of people who may have slipped from our memory before the age of social media, we rarely reach out to them even though they’re only a few clicks away. We should be enjoying the Golden Age of Friendship, but we’re not..
“The modern temper runs toward unrestricted fluidity and flexibility, the endless play of possibility, and so is perfectly suited to the informal, improvisational nature of friendship,” Deresiewicz wrote. “We can be friends with whomever we want, however we want, for as long as we want.” That’s the beauty and burden of modern friendship.Our phones are full of friends we love, but we rarely contact them. That’s not a knock on us.
British anthropologist Robin Dunbar identified seven cultural dimensions that indicate friendship potential in his book “Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships.” Then there’s the three to five people in your Jacuzzi tier. These are your closest friends, the people you’d thank if you won an Academy Award. Next, there’s 10 to 15 people in your swimming pool tier. This could be your work friends, school friends, relatives, couples you go on double dates with and so on. These are the people whose friendships matter the most to you — the people you seek out, spend time with, encourage and support.
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