Our columnist has a thing or two to say about the latest bedroom trends
Thus spake one of my closest female friends who has just come out of a very long-term relationship and re-entered the dating scene after a decade or so.She was – quite legitimately, I thought, but then I’ve been out of the dating game about as long – denouncing the habits of the men she’d recently been to bed with. Times have changed, it seems, and now spitting on the woman you’re in bed with is considered quite normal. The worst thing is, research suggests she’s been quite lucky.
The perpetrators are increasingly presenting “consensual choking” and “rough sex” as a defence. Sometimes, presumably, this is an accurate one. Often, the context of cases suggest that it is merely useful; the creeping normalisation of niche practices used as a handy way of getting away with murder.
We are now in an age where, when it comes to sex, most people have been raised in a world suffused with extreme images and extreme acts, generally carried out by people cleaving to one aesthetic and centring on penetration in order to serve one major demographic: men. What if ‘normal’ didn’t matter because you felt yourself to be absolutely equal with whoever you’re in bed with? What if? What if?Short version: being spat on and killed. With impunity. Long version: dehumanised, ignored, left without a language of our own regarding sex and desire, and fighting overwhelming cultural forces and formative experiences to overcome all of this. While being spat on, and before we are killed..
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