Before I had a baby I found the whole idea of motherhood, and children, unfamiliar at best and unnerving at worst.
In fact, there were a few moments in my mid to late twenties that my husband and I considered a life without children. It was fleeting, but a heady proposition. What about all the holidays we could have? The money we would save? The sleep we would enjoy and the freedom! The city breaks, spa days, concerts and pub lock-ins we could enjoy with no rugrats in tow. It was a tempting but fanciful vision of our future. We had lived that life, gratefully. Once we decided we wanted children, that was it.
I used to judge my achievements by how many long haul flights I had clocked up in a year or how many top restaurants I had eaten at, being a writer at a drinks magazine. Now, it’s by how many times I’ve showered that week, how many of Austin’s poos haven’t leaked beyond his nappy and whether I’ve managed to squeeze a bottle of milk from my embattled boobs, buying myself a precious bubble bath.
Finding mum pals takes some gumption. Most are eager to take anyone up on the offer of a midweek adult conversation. But there’s no escaping the odd limbo that is maternity leave. You can go weeks chatting to other mums about the inner workings of your child’s digestive system before realising neither of you have the foggiest about what the other ‘does for a living’. For a time your career achievements don’t matter. It’s a great leveller, but a weird space to inhabit.
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