A punnet of strawberries led the charge, an immediate red flag. Following closely, looming ominously over the soft fruit, was a dense pork shoulder, mounds of sinew straining against tightly coiled string. Then came a multipack of own-brand mini cheddars, each cheesy disc already all but crumbling under the clinking bottles in pursuit.
Rather than being pointed steadfastly forward and securely meshed-in by the odd bag of wonky onions or carrots, the jiggling bottles of chardonnay had been - ludicrously - placed horizontally to the shopping belt. Each mechanical jolt of rubber whiplashed them back and forth, the metronomic crack of glass on glass ringing across the aisles.
This was a shopping belt constructed with a criminal disregard for reason and sanity. Surveying the strewn piles of detritus that constituted this psychopath’s weekly Big Shop, I felt despair. I don’t hesitate to tell you that I’m a connoisseur of shopping belts, a master of the domestic craft of belt-building. This effort was an insult.
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