If men don’t open their eyes a bit more to the issue of weaponised incompetence – or perhaps just “being shit” – they might find that, in 2023, this really is how their marriage ends ✒️ Esther Walker
This sparked collective recognition from all women and provoked an upswell of vocal irritation at annoying male behaviour, such as: not replacing finished loo roll; not choosing or booking holidays; never cooking or supervising kids’ tea; never putting a wash on… and so on. The list is as varied as individual marriages and once there are children in a home, the issue is turbo-charged, with once-competent men suddenly unable even to locate clean towels.
Fathers are then endlessly playing catch-up, Lewis says, well into the baby’s childhood. They feel demoralised when they realise how little they know and sort of give up on the whole thing. As they become less and less familiar with domestic matters, women have to fill in the gaps; women gather even more ‘expertise’ and the gulf continues to widen.
Then there is the question of priorities and standards, as illustrated by my opening story: I care how my children are dressed in public, but my husband does not – because it doesn’t matter. He is right, but how my children are dressed is still important to me. I can’t expect him to dress them according to my standards, so I do it.
Sure, agrees Lewis, “in every couple there is a division of labour, but the problem comes when jobs are divided up reasonably evenly, yet women end up with the tasks that are tied to a certain time and place – making children’s dinner, for example – whereas men tend to be allowed to pick and choose jobs that aren’t time dependent, like clearing out the garage”.
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