Miss Manners: Hostess does the most-est and wants guests to notice
There is a wonderful hostess in my neighborhood who really goes all out in terms of food and ambiance for her guests. She is a mentor to me, inspiring me to host gatherings and reciprocate hospitality.
There is one habit of hers that makes me pause: She tends to announce, to all her guests, just how time-consuming and involved her efforts were. Simple party snacks are actually not so simple: “I pickled the vegetables, which were sourced from a farm stand. I baked the bread from wheat milled locally, and the bologna is from a family recipe. My feet sure hurt from those hours in the kitchen!”
Yes, Miss Manners, the tiny sandwiches that everyone is popping into their mouths took 12 hours of her time, and she wants to make sure that is noted. The responses of her guests are divided between eye rolls and helpful attempts to discourage her toil in the future. My fiance told her she should check out the deli on the corner.
Could I, or should I, engage her in conversation about these announcements? I feel bad that she is exhausting herself over simple things.Telling your guests how much trouble they are, even by implication, is not gracious hosting. But then, neither is it acceptable guest behavior to roll one’s eyes or suggest the deli counter.
As this involves a valued mentor, the most selfless thing you can do, if you can stomach it, is to listen to her descriptions so that the other guests don’t have to -- and, Miss Manners hastens to add, make sure not to replicate such behavior at your own parties.If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation.
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