He lost a lot of weight because of cancer treatment. How does he tell that to his friends who ask why he looks “fantastic”?
I’m a 63-year-old man who previously weighed considerably more than I do now. I currently appear to be very healthy, and look the best I have in at least 30 years.
When people approach me to say how fantastic I look after not having seen me in a while, the quizzing begins almost immediately: Did you diet, exercise, have surgery, what? Then inevitably, there we are, in line at the coffee shop, talking about my cancer. I really don’t mind that people know, but I need a softer delivery than I’ve been using, which is some version of, “I’ve endured a brutal two-year cancer treatment that saved my life.
I'm ultimately left feeling like a bit of a fraud after accepting all the compliments on my appearance. Should I simply say “thank you” and carry on, or can you suggest something more graceful that might benefit both parties? It's worth noting that a simple “thank you” has rarely been effective at shutting down the line of questioning.An additional downside of looking healthy while actually being very sick is that it often creates barriers to care.
Miss Manners understands the people in question to be, for the most part, acquaintances, not friends — they remember your prior appearance, but you have not seen them in some time. The response you are seeking is a somber and simple, “In fact, I’ve been extremely ill” without elaboration. The gracious response — not that you should expect to hear it often — is, “Oh, I’m so sorry.
Surprisingly, the levels of tourism enjoyed by the above countries do not directly correlate with the locals’ behavior. In extremis, watch what other people are doing.Ask Amy: Ex won’t communicate for the sake of the kidsTeen made app for peers who are anxious, lonely: ‘Stay hungry, stay foolish’
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