Miss Manners: I’m dealing with cancer but people keep focusing on how good I look because I lost weight

Advice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.

: I’m a 63-year-old man who previously weighed considerably more than I do now. I currently appear to be very healthy, and look the best I have in at least 30 years.

I really don’t mind that people know, but I need a softer delivery than I’ve been using, which is some version of, “I’ve endured a brutal two-year cancer treatment that saved my life. How are the kids?” An additional downside of looking healthy while actually being very sick is that it often creates barriers to care. For example, medical providers at the ER often don’t believe me when I’m describing my horrific symptoms. I’d love to add some grace to those obnoxious discussions.: That this happens at all is, to put it mildly, disheartening, and that it happens with medical professionals is disgraceful.

I’ve been studying Spanish for years, but I’ll never be fluent in it . So I’m hesitant to initiate speaking in Spanish with someone whose English may be better than my Spanish.

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