The common tendency for parental caregivers to look at things judgmentally represents the greatest hindrance to effective, more caring, and more humane parenting.
Scientifically, what is helpful—versus hurtful—to a child frequently runs contrary to what most people assume.
Many of the so-called “emotional abusers” were themselves routinely abused in growing up. Victimized by such contentiously high standards—modeled regularly byplays a major role here since parents, out of touch with their own reactions as a child, may not be able to understand, identify, or empathize with their child’s kindred experience.
Without telling the child that their fears are really age-appropriate and, so, “reasonable”—that is, absent validating the underlying insecurities understandably giving rise to such fears—their solace will fall flat. Reluctant or refusing to confide in others, because they couldn’t trust their original listeners to validate or confirm their experienceMore often than not, when a child needs your understanding and support, it’s because of fear . Nonetheless, they sometimes come to you to vent
“I know you don’t know this person, and strangers can feel scary. But I know them well enough to let them be in the same room with us, so soon they won’t still feel threatening to you" .
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