When Kerry Murdock's daughter Bella was diagnosed with autism at the age of two, she thought she knew what to expect. But the reality of raising a child with autism has been far more challenging than she ever imagined.
When Kerry Murdock gave birth to her daughter Bella nine years ago, everything seemed completely fine. The newborn would make regular eye contact with her mum and she was hitting developmental milestones for the first year of her life. However, when the tot reached the age of one, things began to look slightly different. 'Around 12 months old, when you'd expect them to acknowledge you when you call their name out - that didn't ever come,' Kerry explained.
The Lancashire mum contacted her health visitor with concerns and was able to have Bella's two-year check-up earlier than planned. 'They came out and observed her playing,' 36-year-old Kerry said. 'I was calling her name and stuff and she was just in her own little world, playing with her stuff and turning her little toy cars over and spinning the wheels. 'There were signs that really pointed me in the direction of autism, so they said they'd do a hearing test to check for any difficulties with her hearing. We went to see a consultant and they ruled this out straight away because whilst she wasn't responding to me, as soon as I played a nursery rhyme she looked, she'd turn around straight away. 'They referred her to a paediatrician who diagnosed her within her second appointment.' Kerry explains the diagnosis came as the professional observed Bella playing and asked the mum some questions about her day-to-day milestones and sleeping behaviours. As a result of the quick diagnosis at the age of two, Kerry was able to get an Education, Health, and Care (EHC) plan for her child's future. A few years later, Bella started reception but struggled with mainstream education in Year One, where she was falling behind with instructions and keeping up with peers. Having only said her first word at the age of five and unable to communicate properly, Bella is unable to tell her mum what's exactly bothering her in any given moment, Kerry will have to guess what might be causing the meltdowns. Whilst trying to scan her shopping at the self-checkout tills, Bella started to have a meltdown - but Kerry was saved in the moment by a kind stranger. 'Sometimes she can be fine and then other times, something will just set her off,' Kerry, from Bamber Bridge, explained. 'She'll just drop in to the floor and she's quite tall for her age, she looks about 11, so of course everyone then starts looking over. Instantly, I just sort of shut down within myself. 'It was dead hot and I was wrestling to get her, but at the same time I was just trying to scan stuff at the self-scanning till. I just tried to get out of there as quickly as I could. I could just feel all of those eyes on me.' Usually, Kerry brings a sunflower lanyard with her in the public, giving people an added understanding that her child is living with a hidden disability. On this occasion though, she didn't have it with her. She added: 'I think people are just looking and saying, look at that child, look at that mum. She needs to get a handle on her kid, her kid's naughty. It's just not a nice experience to go through.' According to the National Autistic Society, meltdowns for autistic people are intense responses to overwhelming situations. This loss of control can be expressed verbally by shouting, screaming or crying, as well as physically by kicking, lashing out or biting. Kerry recalls a kind stranger coming up to her and asking if she needed help in the moment. 'She obviously just saw a mum struggling and come to take over,' Kerry explained to LancsLive. 'She didn't let me have the option, she just said no I'm going to help you so that I could focus on my daughter. She helped me bring my shopping out to my boot and everything. 'Then I got in the car and I just got a bit upset to be honest, I started crying before I drove home. That's just the reality of what a typical day could be like as a parent with a child with difficulties.' Kerry says a lot of issues surrounding having a child with learning difficulties is stigma and a lack of understanding from other adults, as well as a lack of support. Once Bella was diagnosed, she was left to navigate her new life on her own, turning to other parents and the internet for help and advice. Bella is currently still wearing nappies, something Kerry struggled with finding in supermarkets, as they generally don't cater for older children. Having spoken to other parents, she later found a specialist website to order some from. 'I find one of the biggest problems is that you don't really get told what support is out there,' Kerry continued. 'I spent the first few months after she maxxed out all of the shelf bought nappies, thinking what am I meant to do?' Last year, she left her 'high pressure and demanding' role, after feeling like she couldn't effectively balance her home and work live
Autism Diagnosis Meltdown Support Stigma Parenting Challenges
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