After a long dry spell in lockdown, Haifa Barbari, 37, from London, didn’t want to waste any more time meeting her match. So she started multiple dating and never looked back. Read more on Grazia.
As told to: Olivia PetterAfter a long dry spell in lockdown, Haifa Barbari, 37, from London, didn’t want to waste any more time meeting her match. So she started multiple dating and never looked back.
Then one night [n May, while absorbed by the chemistry between Marianne and Connell in Normal People, I started thinking about having a boyfriend again. I re-downloaded Bumble and Hinge to my phone. I matched with some guys and sent an opening line to kickstart the chat. I did this most nights, swiping in front of the TV.
It gave me time to get together my post-lockdown dating plan. Four years ago, as part of my job as a coach, I developed a dating strategy called the ‘3-3-3'. Essentially, you date three different people over a period of three months, replacing anyone who shows you a red flag. After that, you can decide who you want to date – if any – exclusively.
By August 2020, I was ready to put my own advice into action. I set myself a limit of swiping on the apps for 30 minutes a day, then capped my time spent chatting to people to another 30 minutes. Once I had three people I was interested in – and they’d matched with me and started engaging in conversation - I’d stop swiping.
It can get tricky keeping a balance. One time in November, I was on a date with a frontrunner when I received a text from another date, inviting me for a night of ‘Netflix and takeaway.’ My dates knew I wasn’t exclusively dating them, but it didn’t stop an awkward silence when he saw the text. I felt a twinge of guilt because I'd started to emotionally invest in him too. I learned to always keep my phone away on dates after that.
In a strange twist, I think telling men I’m a multiple dater makes them more interested in me. Apart from that old cliché of men liking the chase , it takes the pressure off the relationship.
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