A man is left reeling after discovering his casual hook-up is pregnant. He believes she may have intentionally conceived the child and wants advice on how to handle the situation.
The idea of casual, commitment-free fun might sound appealing, but real life has a way of proving that 'no strings attached' is rarely realistic – especially when an unexpected pregnancy is thrown in the mix. This week, we hear from a reader left blindsided after discovering his casual hook-up is pregnant with his child. While he thought they were being safe, he now believes she may have deliberately planned the pregnancy, leaving him feeling used for his sperm.
The problem… I often see problems from women who complain that they’re pregnant, and the guy doesn’t want to know, but what about when it happens the other way around? I’m tearing my hair out because a girl who is literally just ‘friends with benefits’ has announced that she’s having a baby, and I’m the father. I feel like she’s done this deliberately, as she is in her early 30s (I’m just 24) and sees this as her last chance to be a mum. I’ve known her as a friend for years, and we only got together sexually because neither of us had anything else going on at the time. She told me she was on the pill, so I didn’t use a condom. But, now I think she just decided I would be a good sperm donor, as I’m quite good-looking, as well as clever and sporty. Sorry if that sounds big-headed, but those are the facts. I have nothing in common with this woman, and there is zero chance of me playing happy families with her. I’ve only just left university and am at the start of my career, so the last thing I want is to be tied down with a child. She only broke the news to me last night, and I tried to stay calm on the surface, even though I was screaming inside. I want her to have a termination. But how can I make her? The advice… You can’t, is the short answer to that. The decision is hers, and all you can do is deal with whatever she decides in the best way you can. Finding out that your ‘friend with benefits’ is pregnant with your child has obviously come as a shock, but you’re both adults who know that sex can make babies. I’m not going to lecture you on the merits of condoms – that ship has sailed. All you can do now is try to keep calm and think the situation through because getting angry or nasty won’t help. It’s important to sit down with this girl and talk about your feelings honestly, share your concerns, and talk about how having a baby will affect both of you. It’s natural for you to focus on yourself, but you need to listen to her, too. There are a few options, like termination or adoption, but if she’s determined to keep the baby, you need to decide how you’re going to deal with this going forward. Are you ready or willing to be a co-parent? You may feel you’re not right now, but please don’t just abandon the mother and child – in time to come, you may regret your decision. Even if you don’t love this girl, you’re still the father and whatever happens, you’ll need to offer financial support. Just remember it’s never the child’s fault, and although you may have to grow up quickly in order to take your share of responsibility, children can be rewarding and fun to be with. Both of you are going to need support, so enlist the help of those closest to you, or google what’s available in your area. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to [email protected]. Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]
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