Dear Deidre: Understanding open relationships
DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T accept the idea of having a “massage” from another man while my husband watches – but he is obsessed with it.
I was hoping he’d forget about his fantasy in time. But no matter how much I try to put him off, he keeps coming back to it. He actually wants to watch me getting the massage. And although he hasn’t spelled it out, I know in his imagination it leads to sex.It isn’t something I want to do and yet he keeps trying to engineer the situation.We are both professional people who work full-time, and I admit that sometimes our sex life falls by the wayside.He only managed to tell me after a few drinks. He suggested getting a mobile male masseur, but I panicked and said I didn’t like the idea of it in our own home.
So then he suggested we try a massage parlour somewhere. I flatly refused, saying I wouldn’t be seen dead in such a place.Now we’re going on holiday in a month and he keeps talking about booking someone to visit our hotel room. He’s even started to talk about “directing the masseur as they work on me”. The thought of it makes me cringe, but I’m wondering if I should do it — just while we’re on holiday — to get it over and done with.It is not uncommon for successful people to find being passive in sex a huge turn-on.It is a contrast to the pressures of everyday life. But often, turning fantasies into reality ends in disappointment.
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