I feel like I'm married to a stranger.
My wife and I have been together 15 years, and our sex life has gone a little backward in the last year or two—less frequency, less spontaneity. Our communication about sex is so-so; she expresses a willingness to talk, but when we are in the conversation, she struggles. She told me six months ago that she was interested in getting a vibrator because she had read and heard that it could be good as a pre-menopausal woman who just isn’t as easily aroused as before.
Well, fast forward a bit. My wife has a vibrator, hidden in a small bag on the floor of our bedroom closet. I was not on some scavenger hunt—I saw the bag while scooping up laundry and looked inside. I thought, “Oh wow, interesting.” And clearly she is embarrassed to tell me. But now that I know what that bag is and where it is, I can now see it move around. It changes positions.
I know you often recommend meditation. Can you give any more in depth tips about that? I’m a pansexual person in a long-term relationship with someone I deeply love. They don’t want to open it up, and I’ve decided the emotional and relationship reasons I want to stay outweigh the desire to have sex with other genders and other people. I often find myself noticing and jealous of other people making out in bars or my friends in open relationships though.
There are so many ways to do it, but where I usually come from is the simple place of attempting to keep my mind clear for whatever period of time I decide to meditate . Choose a time when you aren’t particularly distracted and a place that is relatively quiet. I often use headphones and listen to ambient music . If you can’t achieve clarity on command , the goal is to recognize when you’re lost in thought and pivot—attempt to cast out said thought by refocusing.
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