This article provides valuable insights and advice for parents navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Drawing from research and expert perspectives, it offers practical tips on fostering healthy relationships, promoting positive self-image, and guiding teenagers through this transformative stage of life.
Got a tween or teen in the house and feeling overwhelmed? Social scientist and researcher Matilda Gosling is the author of a new child development book, ' Teenagers : The Evidence Base'.
She says: 'What do you imagine when you think of a teenager? Do you think of adolescent tearaways who scream at their parents, party all night and keep a stash of vodka on hand, or do you picture curious, creative creatures who are managing the strange confusion of their changing bodies as best they can? The chances are that the picture you’ve just created is the one that your child will end up becoming as they ride the adolescent rollercoaster. Our teenagers often take signals from us as to how we expect them to behave. Do you believe that your child will break curfews and be appallingly rude? Then they probably will. Do you set high expectations and start a fresh conversation warmly, even if your child was angry with you last time you spoke? Then the teenager in question is more likely to want to meet your standards, and your warmth may make their anger start to thaw. Looking for the good, even (or especially) when it’s hard, is one of the science-backed suggestions for parents to come out of the research I did for my new book, Teenagers: The Evidence Base. I wrote it because, with my daughters hurtling towards the teenage years, it was the book I needed to read.’ After reading thousands of studies, here are some of my key findings to help parents of tweens and teens navigate these tricky years.@netmums The Netmums Podcast is back with a new series for 2025 🤩 In this first episode, we caught up with @Lottie Drynan and @Laura Adlington – creators of the phenomenally successful @Laura & Lottie – to talk about body confidence, and breaking free from diet culture. They chat to hosts Wendy Golledge and Alison Perry about the unrealistic expectations that come with ‘reinventing’ yourself and their own personal journeys towards body acceptance. Lottie shares her experience of overcoming disordered eating, while Laura opens up about cancelling her bariatric surgery and embracing her body, saying: ‘I think we get sold this lie that we have to love our bodies. It's rubbish. I promise you, you don't have to love your body every day. It's not realistic, it's not attainable.’ They also discuss their upcoming show, ‘Same Dress Different Bodies’ at the London Palladium. Listen to the new Netmums Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. ♬ original sound - Netmums 1. It’s normal and healthy for your teenager to become less close to you It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong (and probably means that there’s a lot that is right). Teenagers become much more focused on their friends than they once were. They’re likely to start telling you less and to put up some big barriers when you try to hold onto your closeness with them. This is what they’re meant to do. And it’s probably good for you, too, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time – it makes the dreaded moment when they leave home much easier. A teenager who creates this distance feels safe enough to push you away. It probably means you’ve done a pretty good job. You can keep the connection going by bringing the odd cup of tea to their room, or sharing memes, or finding activities they are still prepared to do together – a movie night, for example, or going to the football. This is also a good time to refresh your own friendships, if they’ve lapsed. And now that you don’t have to spend evenings and weekends marching to your child’s schedule, you can rekindle your own interests. © Matilda Gosling Author Matilda Gosling 2. Steer your teen away from ‘labels’ Identities develop into early adulthood and even beyond. Attaching labels linked to behaviour or mental health, though, can lead teenagers to latch onto them, adopt those labels as identities that define why they are, and make future growth and change harder to achieve. If they see themselves as anxious, for example, it can limit what they feel able to do – like exposing themselves to new, challenging experiences that would give them confidence and help any feelings of anxiety to pass. Research has also shown that having labels attached to teenagers’ behaviour (like calling them troublemakers or risk-takers) can make those things more likely to happen again in future. You can help your teenager to avoid labels by being careful not to use them yourself; by making clear that everyone feels sad and worried sometimes, and these feelings pass; and by reframing the language your teenager uses about themselves, within reason (‘You’re not lazy – you need sleep because you’re growing. You could probably help out more with the washing up, though.’) 3. Avoid technicolour accounts of your own teenage risk-taking If parents describe their own histories of drinking too much or experimenting with drugs, it may give two accidental messages. Firstly, it could suggest that these behaviors are normal and acceptable, especially if the parent romanticizes their past. Secondly, it could make teenagers more likely to try those things themselves, as they may see them as a rite of passage or something to aspire to. Instead, focus on sharing your own positive experiences and values from your teenage years
TEENAGERS PARENTING DEVELOPMENT ADOLESCENCE COMMUNICATION RELATIONSHIPS BODY IMAGE
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