A reader writes to Coleen about confronting a colleague who has been undermining her at work. The confrontation took place at the office Christmas party after the reader had a few drinks.
Dear Coleen I went to my office Christmas party last week and got a bit tipsy, even though I’d promised myself beforehand I wouldn’t. Fuelled with Dutch courage, I ended up confronting a woman I work with who is always on my case. I’m fed up of her contradicting me in meetings, trying to make herself look better and me look stupid and inefficient. She does it with a smile, which is even more infuriating.
She’s also nice to my face, but I know for a fact she’s negative about me behind my back, as another colleague told me. Apparently, she’s always dropping comments into conversation to get people to doubt me and then ends by saying something like, “But I get on with her fine”, or, “I work well with her”. It seems so sneaky and manipulative, and I have no idea why she wants to undermine me like this. Anyway, when I confronted her, I was quite direct and told her it felt like she wanted to take me down. She looked shocked and like she was going to cry, which wasn’t the reaction I was expecting, and just walked away without saying a word. I haven’t had a chance to clear the air with her and I’m dreading facing her at the office. We’re pretty much on the same level at work, but she’s been at the company longer, so she thinks she has the upper hand. What do I do? It’s keeping me up at night. Coleen says Well you’re not the first person to regret drinking too much at the office party and you won’t be the last. But at least you didn’t dance on tables or throw up in your boss’s handbag. Silver linings and all that. OK, this colleague sounds very passive aggressive to me and she’s behaving in a way that will seriously undermine your confidence at work if it goes unchecked. She’s being sneaky about it because she’s nice to your face and the things she’s doing are subtle, so it’s difficult to call her out. But, with the help of a few drinks, you’ve brought out the truth and, from her reaction, she wasn’t expecting to be challenge
OFFICE POLITICS COLLEAGUE CONFLICT PASSIVE AGGRESSION CONFRONTATION CHRISTMAS PARTY
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