Something happens when the beliefs and ideas most fundamental to your worldview are challenged or fractured.
A few years ago, the woman who gave me life passed away in the evening hours following Mother’s Day. For two decades, she’d beaten cancer each time it had appeared. She was a walking miracle, an answered prayer. But the fourth battle proved to be the final one. Her death caused me to do the previously unthinkable: doubt the existence — and the utility — of God.
My mom was a special soul. Not because she was mine but because of her compassion, concern and care for others. She was so loving and selfless that I wouldn’t have believed it possible if I hadn’t seen it for myself. And in a world in desperate need of more people like her, she was taken too soon. Robbed from us. How could any benevolent God allow that to happen? And why believe in a callous or disinterested one that would permit it?Those are big questions.
A few days before she passed, I stopped at the nurses’ station outside her hospital room for an update. One of them stood slowly — reverently, it seemed — and gave a rundown of the previous night. The report was positive enough, but the nurse’s eyes confirmed what my heart already knew. Without thinking, I started singing her praises. I needed them to know she was special, and not just because she was mine. After going on for a bit, struggling to find the right words, I asked, “You know how when someone dies, at the funeral, people only talk about the person’s best qualities and best moments and leave everything else out?”
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