Sex coach Ruth Ramsay argues that good sex isn't a matter of luck, but rather something that requires attention and effort. She encourages couples to have an annual 'sex review' to identify what works and what doesn't, leading to a more fulfilling intimate life.
Sex coach Ruth Ramsay says it's a myth that good sex 'just happens'. For a better intimate life she tells The i Paper the questions people should be asking
We ignore new desires or curiosities, and don’t speak up if something doesn’t feel as good as it used to. Sex loses its spark, but we are never sure when or how to bring it up with our partner, so we stay quiet.This can lead to disconnected, predictable sex so many long-term couples complain to me about… if they are still having sex at all. Sex takes time and energy and if this is not being rewarded with pleasure, it’s natural to keep putting it off.
Acknowledge that it’s difficult and agree to be gentle and non-judgmental. What would you prefer – some potentially difficult conversations now, then a reignited sex life… or years and years of the same-old and worrying your relationship is doomed? If necessary you can recruit a coach such as myself to help you have these discussions and guide you going forward.don’t stop when we are not in a relationship – we are always sexual beings.
When we take responsibility for what’s happening in our life it’s easier to create change. For example, “I wish I’d had more long sex sessions with my partner instead of quickies, even though quickies are enough for them. I’ll let my partner know why this is important to me, and I’ll be stricter about not working evenings and weekends, so we have more time.” This is more likely to result in change than blaming your partner for “only ever wanting a quickie.
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