'Life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to'
I had planned that by the time I turned 40 I would be married, have kids and be living in the countryside somewhere.Over a decade has now passed since I got divorced. Although amicable, it was a painful decision, and I have beenThe reality is that life is unpredictable and sometimes all this focus we put on having this and that can actually be really bad for us. As a result, I have low self-worth and I don’t feel confident. I often feel that I am not good enough and that I am a let-down.
It feels frustrating, like I am a teenager again. At times my mental health is impacted, I feel depressed and anxious when I constantly put pressure on myself to succeed in love and in my career.Living in the same house I grew up in sometimes makes me think I have made no progress in the last 40 years. I’m back in my childhood bedroom staring at the same old wallpaper and photos I put up in my teens.
If I was in my own place, maybe my love life would be better – not least because I wouldn’t need to feel worried about getting home at a certain time to avoid disturbing my folks. Post-pandemic, I know I need to seriously look for a house, even if that means a bigger one my parents can move into with me, then we can spend time away from one another when necessary. I want to be a good daughter as I know they will not be here forever and I want to support them as they have done for me.Yet there is a lot of judgement when you do – I have to hear people from my community asking ‘why are you still at home?’ or ‘why aren’t you married?’ It’s annoying.