This humorous piece satirizes the overuse of technical jargon to mask a lack of progress or understanding. It follows a conversation between colleagues who use inflated language to justify delays and decisions, highlighting the absurdity of pretending to be technological wizards.
"Yes, well, as I innosplained just a moment ago, we can implement that change with the new technology we've just bought.""Yes – outlining the innovative applicability of a new technology in an overly verbose and condescending manner, highlighting obscure and nebulous technical terms which have little or no connection to the problem at hand, but which can be argued are crucial to the achievement of current goals.""We've all been there," the PFY says.
"No, to sell them through a broker we have to triple erase, then test the hardware. It takes forever," I respond. "OR," the PFY adds,"we use a tungsten drill and a club hammer to render the device unreadable and save three hours of work.""The AI repurposer. The Boss got us to use some AI built by an industry group – and released at the beginning of the year – to automate the repurposing of old devices.
"Yes, one of the teething problems was that the AI initially wasn't Y2K compliant, so it thought the servers were 100 years old.""Unfortunately, my assistant installed them but I was the one to receive the deprecation note. I was unfamiliar with their pedigree.""Yes, that was another of the teething problems. Because the machines were so new, there was insufficient online data on their secondhand value, so the AI deferred to their possible precious metal content.
"You don't honestly believe we'd sign off an audit with so many asset database anomalies?" the auditor asks the Boss."There are no asset database anomalies," I note."No. The PFY has generously offered to sell us a couple of machines he owns which have been inadequately erased – because the hardware was so new the equipment tool database didn't know how to erase the disk array."... two minutes later in the server room ...
Technology Jargon Innosplaining AI Auditor Asset Management
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