When parents get emotionally caught by unresolved traumatic experiences, it can compromise their parenting decisions.
Difficult experiences in our lives may cause unresolved issues that can be triggered by our children.Pausing the conversation when we recognize we are emotionally upset can give us time to make better choices.on some level, we tend to internalize the situation and have it stick with us. If you’ve ever been fired from a job or had someone break up with you, it may have made a strong impression.
To illustrate the point, let’s imagine you had trouble getting to sleep as a child because you had a family member making a lot of noise at bedtime. This may have really upset you at the time, especially if you felt helpless to change it. While today you may have more control over your environment than you did as a child, you may still become very upset when someone is making noise in the evening that you feel is louder than it should be.
One of the ways to recognize when we’re being caught by our own past as opposed to actually choosing our words is to take a moment to reflect on what we are saying. Often, we become emotionally reactive to kids for a number of reasons. Perhaps they were not listening to us or continuing to pester us after we made a decision. This may be because we felt that way as a child when adults did not listen to us.
The next thing to acknowledge is that all of us can be reactive. It’s not a character flaw. It’s a state that happens when we become emotionally upset or overwhelmed, which can then cause us to not make our best decisions. When this happens, it’s important to “clean up” the discussion as soon as we are emotionally able to do so. Once we realize we’re speaking from our past hurt instead of our current logic, it can be helpful to pause the conversation and compose ourselves.
Even the most caring and loving parents can get caught by past hurts and become reactive. Once we are able to recognize this, we can start to differentiate between what we’re doing as parents for the benefit of our child and when we are reacting out of our own pain and hurt feelings. This is not easy, as many of us struggle with recognizing when we are acting out of our emotions.
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