A reflection on the often unspoken feelings of melancholy and emotional instability that can accompany the festive season, despite the joy and excitement it brings.
A few years ago, after walking around all day trying to hide it, I got home and burst into tears. It was an uncontrollable food of emotion, and I didn’t know where it was coming from. I was 31 at the time, and in less than a week would be celebrating my first Christmas with my new partner.
I feel the same on birthdays. It feels like a weight squeezing down on me, and I can’t wait for it to be over. A few years ago, I decided to actually embrace my birthday and invite people to the pub. All it took was for a few people to drop out to give me an excuse to gladly cancel the whole thing. It started out well enough. Growing up, mine was an average family, and while we never went on flash holidays, we always seemed to have loads of presents at Christmas. I remember my first Action Man, some brilliant Lego sets and, later, a bike. Until my sibling turned vegan my dad would be up in the small hours of the morning, sweating and swearing over the best way to cook a turkey, having forgotten everything in the 365 days since the preceding Christmas.
Compared to people with more tangible problems, I certainly feel like a bit of a wet blanket. But struggling at Christmas is, I’ve come to realise, valid. Mental health
Christmas Melancholy Emotional Turmoil Festive Season Personal Reflection
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