SOMEWHERE in political heaven, the ghosts of former British politicians have gathered to discuss the Tory Party conference. In the chair is
Sir Winston Churchill, chewing a non-existent cigar. “What,” he asks, “do we think of this idea of Rishi Sunak’s to stop local authorities from introducing 20mph speed zones? Bonkers?”
“No, there is no breakdown of local government,” says Churchill, sounding a mite perplexed. “Except in Birmingham where the council has run out of money and the government has sent in bailiffs.”Everyone looks at Joseph Chamberlain, the former great mayor of Birmingham and founder of the Liberal Unionists. “Never, in my day,” he thunders. “Why have thereduced local government to a slave of Whitehall? I thought they were in favour of local democracy and autonomy? Or they were in my day.
“You’re wrong again, LG,” Churchill tells his old rival. “It is Suella Braverman. The Home Secretary is a woman. Her parents are from the empire. But she is a fierce opponent of anyone else coming to Britain. She is sending the Royal Navy to stop them landing.” The old Tories in political Valhalla pretend not to hear Jenkins. Old Roy was an intellectual who wrote books. Obviously, a very different sort from Braverman. Imagine having a home secretary who was literate and worried about making life better for people.
There is a ghostly shuffling of feet at this point as another Storm Shadow cruise missile flies by. Heaven has become rather a thoroughfare for rockets in the past two years, but nobody wants to talk about the prospect of a nuclear war in Ukraine. Heaven is crowded enough.
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