This article explores the surprising phenomenon of the widespread enjoyment of reality TV shows featuring women engaging in dramatic arguments. The author delves into the reasons behind this shared experience, suggesting that it provides a unique form of escapism and emotional release for viewers, particularly women and gay men.
I was watching The Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City the other night when I suddenly had a sort of “out of body” moment. Wait, what even is this show? I thought. These rich women, many of them in their 40s and 50s, come together for dinners and holidays with the sole purpose of screaming at one another in front of cameras. More than that, their job is to scream with a certain flourish. It’s basically drag; a kind of meta performance art of their own lives.
“That’s high body count hair,” yelled housewife Angie K to an adversary at a bat mitzvah in a recent episode. Well, that’s one for the canon, I thought, filing it away alongside other classic put-downs such as “slut pig!” and “you stole my Goddamn house!” I don’t just enjoy the Real Housewives and shows like it – Vanderpump Rules, Selling Sunset, etc – I find them unfathomably relaxing. On a recent Sunday, with the sort of hangover that has you only leaving your bed to shamefully collect two separate Deliveroo orders – I watched old eps of The Real Housewives Of New York on the laptop with my eyes half-closed. When housewife Aviva Drescher screamed at the top of her lungs, “The only thing fake about me is this”, before chucking her prosthetic limb across a party with the peep-toe heel still on, I found myself drifting into a deep and unburdened slumber. My dreams were filled with women accusing others of “character assassination” and sentences like “she called me a fucking fucker!” This, for me, was the pinnacle of self-care. It’s hard to pinpoint why I find women screaming at each other on TV so relaxing. I wonder whether it’s just a dopamine thing – it’s pure entertainment, which in itself is de-stressing. It’s also just low-stakes TV – you don’t need to be keeping up with the plot points at all times, this isn’t Succession – so you can sort of dip in and out of their fights like you might an episode of EastEnders, except with botox-ed 50-something hotel owners rather than pub landlords wearing leopard print. It’s also familiar – they go to a party, they fight, you pick a side – making it more like watching a sitcom or WWE than the sort of real, cortisol-spiking argument you might encounter elsewhere. I’m obviously not the only one who feels this way. TikTok users post about it all the time. “Nothing like unwinding to the soothing sounds of women arguing on TV,” posted one user. “Relaxing morning routine as a Bravo fan,” posted another, while serenely eating cereal to the sound of unhinged screams. “My relaxing skincare routine as a Bravo fan” said another, dabbing cleanser on her face while Angie K delivers the aforementioned zinger. Clearly, the Bravo effect is widespread. Women and gay men especially – and it is exclusively women and gay men who post about this – are unwinding en masse to these spectacular, glass-shattering rows. When I reached out to other reality TV fans, I was surprised by the sheer number of people who said that watching women go HAM was more than relaxing – it was cathartic. “There’s something about being a woman and being angry that’s quite hush hush,” said Phoebe, 21. “Yet these women, no matter the issue, scream and yell.” Sophie, 26, agreed: “Women are mostly socialised to be polite and deferential, so it’s satisfying seeing them express unlimited emotion.” “It’s refreshing to see women respond in a way that is emotion-driven and actually being praised and more successful because of it,” added Annabelle, 29. I get what they’re saying. When you’re not allowed to totally lose it in real life for fear of being branded “psychotic”, it can be soothing to see other women – even more so middle-aged women – stab their manicured nails at those who’ve wronged them. Straight men are never at the centre of these reality shows, either. And when they do get involved in their wives’ dramas, they’re scoffed at, or seen as “losing control”. In the Bravo universe, the world as you know it is turned on its head, and within that you can find escapism. One colleague even told me that seeing these women yelling has actually encouraged her to be less conflict-averse in real life. “Is that lame?” she asked. No, I told her, because I actually feel the same. Of course, on occasion I’ve wondered whether constantly watching women fight across dinner tables is in fact healthy. And, more than my own health, whether it’s healthy for them. This is their real lives after all – an exaggerated version perhaps, but it’s still real nonetheless. All of that vein-popping and wine glass flinging can’t be good for the nervous system. That said, when I spoke to The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills’ Dorit Kemsley last year, she was surprisingly straight-forward about it. “It’s what we’re being paid to do,” she told me. Essentially, as with drag, or comedy, or any other performance, this is their job. And it’s our job, as fans, to embrace it
Reality TV Women Housewives Bravo Entertainment Catharsis Escapism
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