This personal essay recounts the author's experience noticing subtle signs of dementia in her mother over several years.
The signs have been there for some time – including memory loss and changes to her character – but she is too scared to talk about it. I felt it was my duty to convince her to go to the doctors – but she cried, saying we’d all been talking about her behind her back. Over Christmas back in 2019, I sat having a catch up with my mum. I talked about my oldest friend’s father-in-law and how was advancing, and she replied that she, then 75, had noticed herself becoming a little forgetful of late.
It was a throwaway comment that I didn’t particularly take on board because we all get a bit muddled with age – even I, since my mid 40s, have lost my way mid-sentence on occasion thanks to the thrills and spills of perimenopause. Five years later and in a state of advanced dementia, that remains the only time that my mum has acknowledged any semblance of.For the first year, it wasn’t completely obvious to me, either. The pandemic hit, and with it, the lack of socialisation and mental stimulation that wasn’t a force for good in even the sharpest of brains. Mum’s mood seemed a little low, but didn’t everyone’s? And my stepdad, who she had become increasingly reliant on, was in hospital at the height of lockdown, contracting Covid in the process. Fortunately, he came home, and over time, mentioned that she was getting more forgetful and putting things away in the wrong places. When we spoke on the phone, she’d ask after her grandkids, and a few minutes later, ask again. A gentle alarm began to go off, but still, I wasn’t sure if this was a surefire. Once we were able to visit them, there were more signs. My stepdad seemed to be doing all the cooking, and when I asked why, she didn’t really have an answer. She had a go at dessert, but could no longer fathom how to make crumble, something she’d made a thousand times before. I asked Mum if she would listen to my daughter read a book, but it seemed beyond her and she got up and walked awa
DEMENTIA MEMORY LOSS ELDERLY CARE FAMILY HEALTH
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