Over the past 10 years, apps like Tinder, Grindr, bumble and hinge have totally transformed the way we meet. Can digital dating ever really compare to relationships formed offline?
, in the USA, up to 75 per cent of heterosexual couples who met in 2019 did so online, while research by the dating site E-Harmony suggests that by 2031, 50 per cent of all UK couples will have met this way., a book that explores new forms of love and dating, started quietly using dating sites in 2011. “Back then, you used a pseudonym,” she remembers, “and it definitely wouldn’t have been connected to your social media like some apps are today.
Witt recalls how revolutionary it felt when dating apps “were on your phone, that you had a photo and used your actual name”. It felt simultaneously intrusive and comforting that, on Tinder, your mutual friends were made visible.Witt’s book examines the recent societal shift in the West, away from the rigid idea of finding ‘the one’. She observed how, like a lot of women her age, the marriage and kids she expected by 30 had eluded her.
Dating apps are part of this shift, Witt suggests, because they offer up more choices, present shared experience and refute old relationship timelines. “This technology allows you to access people at the same stage as you. It can be isolating feeling like the only uncoupled person, especially when friends start having kids, but when you go into app land, everybody is in the same boat.
Feeld and other apps like it, says Cathy, allow you to set out what you’re into upfront, from rock climbing to threesomes, friendship to BDSM. The same goes for sexuality and gender; Feeld offers members more than 20 gender identities and 20 sexuality options, aiming to be an inclusive space for all. Meanwhile other apps have sprung up to cater to more specific communities; J-Swipe for Jewish people, Lex for queer women and nonbinary people, Tindog for dog walkers.
So, how will dating apps evolve? “I think we’ll see more of what we’re already seeing,” says Witt, “understanding how to be a good person on these apps will become more refined and they will encourage us to state our intentions more clearly.” She points to Bumble, where women have to speak to men first, as an example of how ‘communicative consent’ is becoming more important. “So much of what's painful about dating is having your expectations disappointed.
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