A woman in her 50s struggles with the feeling of being trapped in a loveless marriage. She feels a responsibility to stay for her children and her husband's sake, but yearns for a life filled with happiness and freedom.
This week, counsellor and author Lucy Cavendish advises a reader who is worried about hurting her children in the wake of a big decision. I’m 53, married for 20 years with two teenagers, and I feel so trapped. My life feels like a cage – to the point I have had trouble sleeping in recent years. He is a good father to our daughters but our dynamic is strained, and over the years we have had bitter arguments and unforgivable things have been said that have chipped away at my respect for him.
Often when we argue, he will lock himself in his home office, and sometimes there are days we don’t speak and it leaves knots in my stomach. I have tried to bring this up several times and even suggested couples therapy, but he has flat out refused. It won’t be long until our daughters will leave for university and the thought of the two of us alone and him sulking in his office until old age fills me with dread. I know I want to leave, but my daughters will be devastated and blame me, and my parents adore my husband, so I never talk to them about my marriage problems. A newly divorced friend recently went on a minibreak by herself to Lisbon and when I saw the photos I felt sick with a sinking feeling that I’m living the wrong life and time is slipping me by.I have spent a long time thinking about your dilemma. I am sure this situation of not wanting to stay but feeling that you should is something many people feel, and I think women feel this duty more than men. While I was finding the right words – or at least some helpful words – I happened to hear the American poet Nikki Giovanni, who recently died, in an interview on the radio. She knew she was ill and she knew she was dying, and this is what she said: “Love is a responsibility. Love is a duty.” I just want you to think about those words a little bit, not because I want to influence you to stay, but because I think it is important on both sides – yourself and your husband’s – to realise what love is abou
Marriage Loneliness Responsibility Happiness Self-Discovery
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