A heatbreaking account of online bullying...
Do you ever wish you could take away the fame and not have to deal with this level of hate?
It wasn’t the fame. It was social media that affected me and then being in the public eye meant I couldn’t get away from it. I had to roll with it and get on it and I really struggled with pretending to be happy.It was everywhere. It was in magazines. It was exploited on x-factor. I couldn’t get away from it. There probably was loads of positives, but I didn’t let myself see it because all I saw was the bad ones. Once you see one bad comment you see a million and that’s all you can think about.
What’s the most extreme thing you’ve done in order to conform to something you think should have been like? I so desperately wanted validation from other people. I just wanted to be Jesy. I didn’t want to be Jesy the fat one. I wanted people to see me as normal, so I punished myself. I starved myself. If I did eat, I hated myself, I’d punish myself and make sure I didn’t eat for four days. It was horrible, a vicious circle.You recently opened up on Instagram about how you are finally allowing yourself to be sad.
That’s why I fell into such a deep depression because I didn’t allow myself to be sad. I just had to be happy all the time. The only time I was allowed to be sad was when I went home, went to sleep and then I’d cry myself to sleep. Then I’d get up the next morning and pretend to feel fabulous and happy and I wasn’t. Now when I’m sad I let myself be sad and then I’m over it because I’ve let it out. If you feel sad, be bloody sad. It’s ok.
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