Usually, our attempts to misdirect others are efforts to convince ourselves we are the people we say we are.
Deception also involves nonverbal cues, situational props, omissions, and inferences that misdirect listeners.
All of us tell untruths, at least in small ways. Whatever the circumstances, we compliment a friend on the meal they prepared for us. We tell our child they played well at the concert or sports event when results would indicate otherwise. As we see it, their—and our relationship to them—is much more important than compulsive frankness on our part. For similar reasons, we try to spare them some of the “gory details” of our life history, including previous relationships.
Lying—and, consequently, being caught at it—sets off a complicated set of justifications. When these prove fruitless, apologies and atonements are in order. What becomes clear is that we have “lost face” before someone whose good opinion we care about. In the doghouse, we want to get out. As he saw it, people dramatize their lives much like actors in a play. They play many roles—essentially, versions of themselves. They adapt those roles to different audiences. They use all manner of stagecraft. Unlike professional actors, they typically play themselves. Differently also, their performances are not confined to the occasion at hand; instead, they are judged to be indicators of their overall identity and character.
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