Marmee shows us it's ok — even good — to get mad.
8 hours agoI’ve always known that Marmee March is a good mother. Actually, a great mother. The matriarch ofLouisa May Alcott’s beloved tale of four sisters growing up in Civil War-era Massachusetts, is an icon of “perfect parenting,” as if such a thing ever has or ever will exist. She’s basically American literature’s patron saint of good moms.
Now that I have children, I understand the perfect mother doesn’t exist. I’ve also recalibrated my understanding of good parenting, and serenity ranks pretty far down the priority list — I don’t pretend to be emotional Teflon. When I decided recently to reread the book I once loved, I was so worriedI’d find Marmee less a model of good parenting than an outdated and potentially harmful cliché.
For Jo, who is beating herself up for having big, ugly emotions, Marmee’s admission is a revelation. It makes her feel seen and eases her guilt and self-criticism. This is clearly Marmee’s goal; she knows that it’s her imperfections, not the impossible state of composure we usually attribute to her, that will help her children learn to navigate themselves and the world.
Yes, Marmee laughs at her kids. It’s not mean-spirited and it lightens the mood for everyone. I wish I had thought about the role of mindset in parenting before I had children. Humor not only smooths over the bumps of the everyday but it, too, roots us in empathy, asking us to remember how absolutely bonkers it is to be a child trying to figure out the world.In recent years, we’ve finally started to recognize Marmee’s anger.
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